


Aziraphale: The Overly-Enthusiastic Matchmaker

by EmeraldAshes



Series: Ineffable Husbands Oneshots [11]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Anathema Is Into Astrology, Bad Acting, Bad Matchmaking, Blind Date, Comedy, Crowley Cannot Say No to Aziraphale, Gabriel & Beelzebub Friendship (Mentioned), M/M, Matchmaking, aziraphale is a sweetheart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:06:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24869611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldAshes/pseuds/EmeraldAshes
Summary: “It’s not that I mean to meddle,” Aziraphale told his boyfriend. “It’s just that I think of you, and you make me so terribly happy. And I think of how long we danced around each other. And then I think of my single friends, and I wonder if they know what they’re missing. And then I think, what if they do know? And it’s all so awful.”"Anathema will never agree to a blind date," Crowley pointed out.Aziraphale beamed. “That’s fine! We just won’t tell her.”
Relationships: Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale & Crowley & Anathema Device & Newton Pulsifer, Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Ineffable Husbands Oneshots [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1527989
Comments: 3
Kudos: 63





	Aziraphale: The Overly-Enthusiastic Matchmaker

“It’s not that I mean to meddle,” Aziraphale told his boyfriend. “It’s just that I think of you, and you make me so terribly happy. And I think of how long we danced around each other. And then I think of my single friends, and I wonder if they know what they’re missing. And then I think, what if they  _ do _ know? And it’s all so awful.”

Crowley sighed. “You remember that time you decided that we should introduce our misanthrope, socially awkward bosses, and then they hit it off and it was a bloody nightmare?”

“I thought it was rather sweet,” Aziraphale said. “They’re the best of frenemies now.”

“Yes, yes, it’s all very wholesome. Like two vipers cuddling,” Crowley said, “But then they started trading management tips, and it’s been absolute hell at work ever since. Besides, Anathema will never agree to a blind date.”

Aziraphale beamed. “That’s fine! We just won’t tell her.”

“Right. That sounds like a good way to get myself killed. She’ll sacrifice me to her dark god or something.”

Aziraphale playfully nudged him with his shoulder. “I’m sure her dark god is perfectly charming.”

Finally, after a long, drawn-out sigh, Crowley asked, “It’ll make you happy?”

“Immeasurably.”

“Alright. Fine. Let’s do it.”

* * *

Approximately five minutes after Crowley, Aziraphale, and their unsuspecting victims sat down, the blond leaped from his seat and shouted, “OH NO! WE HAVE TO GO.” 

“Ah yes, that thing we have,” Crowley said dully as Aziraphale grabbed his hand and yanked him upward.

Aziraphale beamed. “But you two should stay. We’ve already ordered the appetizers.”

“And the wine,” Crowley said.

Aziraphale tilted his head. “Did we?”

Crowley kissed his knuckles. “I’ll do it now.”

* * *

“How long do you think it’ll take ‘til they catch on?” Crowley asked as they strolled toward the car.

“Newt? Absolutely never. What about Anathema?”

“Already did. Somewhere between us all sitting down and you saying, ‘You’re both single. You have so much in common!’”

Aziraphale looked a touch sheepish. “Too forward?”

With a scrunch of his nose and a shake of his head, Crowley said, “Nah...Just the right amount, I think.”

“I do hope it goes well.”

“Well, if it’s a total disaster, I’ll grovel a bit and buy Anathema a fuckton of crystals. She’s obsessed with those things. And if they fall in love...I should probably still get the crystals. She’s gonna be mad as hell.”

* * *

Anathema glared down at the plate of mozzarella sticks sitting in front of her. “I seriously can’t believe them.”

Newton shifted uncomfortably in his seat and tentatively snagged a mozzarella stick. “I mean, it seemed pretty urgent. Whatever it was.”

“This is a setup,” Anathem said. “They’re trying to trick us into a date.”

Newton paused as he lifted the stick to his mouth, marinara dripping on his shirt. “But, um, you’re, and I’m...I mean, I’m sorry?”

She shook her head. “Not your fault. Look, my horoscope said that I should be open to new possibilities today, and I basically live by that stuff, so...what do you like to do?”

“I accidentally joined a cult once.”

She grinned. “Me too! It wasn’t really an accident, though.”

* * *

In retrospect, perhaps they should have actually made alternative plans. Instead, they hung around the bookshop and gossiped about how their friends were getting on. Aziraphale dreamed up romantic possibilities while Crowley suggested increasingly more gruesome ends.

Crowley’s phone buzzed, and he announced, “Right, okay, good news: They haven’t killed each other yet, and there’s hope for a second date.”

Aziraphale’s eyes shone. “I really am very good at this, aren’t I?”

Crowley continued, “Bad news: We definitely shouldn’t have offered to cover the bill.”


End file.
